I think I am going to abuse this journal and write down my thoughts

well updates first i guess

I am doing ok, I am 100% better from my tonsillectomy besides the fact that those idiots made it so I CANT TASTE CHOCOLATE MACARONI SWEET THINGS CANDY CAKE ICE CREAM CHOCOLATE MILK MOST CEREALS AND OTHER STUFF I think I have been going into chocolate withdrawels ;__; soo sad..... My mother is hanging in there, I found out devastating news though. It seems she was taken off the bone marrow transplant list due to some blood problems so my mom is going to be doing her chemotherapy until it stops working which will probably be soon because her platelets are still going through the roof and she is maxed out in her chemo....I am really worried because I don't know what would happen to me or our pets if she were to pass...I can't support myself and i don't want to live with my father for personal reasons... I feel like crying and after i write this I am going to take my anti depressant like im supposed to but i need to jote down my thoughts before my anti depressants replace them with more pleasant feelings... I just wish I was held and I wish I could cry,but my indifference is keeping me from shedding a tear. i am not writing down proper spelling or punctuation because i simply dont want to. so fear my misspellings and anti punctuation besides periods .'s i fear i have been being unreliable and that saddens me....


Thoughts
It seems everyone is cooling down and chilling out with their art and comments and such,me included. I remember the days when it was normal for someone to get fanart atleast once a month and regularly talked with their friends about memories and such. when almost everyone accepted requests and when there would be such fun times going all around. I miss those days when i submitted 2-4 peices of art in a week and now my drawings seems to be non existant.When truly emotional peices were commented on and great critiques were given. Eh things have been weird lately to say the least.


I have written my own 100 themes list, i chose themes that fit for the mood as of now, i needed a completely original one that suited my own artistic needs. I wont wimp out on this one, ill do the work and finish it even if it kills my hand in the process.

0 before
1 now
2 after
3 the dream
4 the fight
5 the wish
6 the pain
7 the love
8 the truth
9 the lies
10 fate
11 destiny
12 power
13 wisdom
14 courage
15 freedom
16 the one
17 untouched
18 pure
19 heart
20 blue
21 red
22 green
23 yellow
24 purple
25 orange
26 silver
27 gold
28 black
29 white
30 the fallen
31 the hated
32 the rejected
33 futile
34 emotionless
35 god like
36 cruelty
37 false hopes
38 false power
39 false freedom
40 trapped
41 suffering
42 friends
43 enemies
44 confused
45 bystander
46 drugs
47 beginnings
48 endings
49 forgotten
50 memories
51 feared
52 shunned
53 leader
54 follower
55 the young
56 the old
57 pros and cons
58 open doors
59 happenings
60 enraged
61 encouraged
62 engulfed
63 enbodied
64 entities
65 obsessed
66 puzzled
67 in peices
68 in between
69 mirrored
70 fed
71 starved
72 drowning
73 burned
74 shocked
75 frozen
76 giving up
77 pushing forward
78 last hope
79 hero
80 villain
81 illusion
82 created
83 space
84 time
85 poison
86 fire
87 water
88 wind
89 earth
90 rain
91 storm
92 eruption
93 cries
94 screams
95 day
96 night
97 darkness
98 light
99 life
100 death


Love to all <3 if you actually read this you deserve a cookie